New Year´s resolutions

20151229_204031I have to say, looking back at the year that was, it is quite overwhelming how much has changed for me. It was only late November 2014 when the idea appeared in my head that I would try for the university again and attempt to get myself a whole new profession; and the one I´d least expected myself to go for. But it´s nice to be able to surprise oneself once and again. It was certainly a surprise how well I did on the Scholastic Aptitude test. I asked the husband how long it would last. “You can use it for five years, I think,” he said. “No,” I said, “I mean the glory.” He assured me it will last forever. 😉

20151229_203932The first semester has been a bit of a shock to the system. I had to relearn everything, I had no routines how to do breakfast, even, as I went from nightwork to day studies, from working alone and seeing just a few close friends, to being in lecture halls daily with 80+ classmates. Sleep and digestion has been a problem, but I think I am adjusting now. Slowly. Studying takes a lot more time than I thought it would, due to talking books, and due to – I guess – ambition. And though I will deny vehemently that my brain is slower now than when I was in my twenties, I guess it might be working a little differently… not that I´m letting it slow me down.

An old friend I met for fika during the holidays (she didn´t know I had started over) enthusiastically said: “But it´s perfect to study now, three years go by so fast! Three years were a lot longer when we were twenties…” I hadn´t thought about it that way, but it kinda makes sense, I think.

20151229_203945I will have to let some things go – a bit. The blog is starting to feel like a chore, and I don´t like that. So this year, I will do only one blogpost a week. One sketch a day, certainly, but I´ll post more seldom. Hopefully, the quality of what you are presented with will improve, but I can´t guarantee it.

Other things I need to do is strength training, or my back will break. I have been spoiled with being physically strong, and sitting at a desk has me wasting away. I need to eat less, or I´ll have to buy new clothes, and the student allowance I give myself doesn´t permit such spending! Eating less will save money, too… What else? Some good literature, every day before bed. One free day a week, to just do anything I like.

20151229_204041I think that might be enough. I need to find my groove, in a nutshell. Routines and habits that make me strong and relaxed. Perhaps I could throw in some mindfulness exercises? Nah! I´ll draw more! 😀



The past is the past

I was looking for an old photo the other day and came across a few snaps (two, to be exact) where my friend C had been caught, rather blurily. She and I were best friends for some five years, from when I was six. We were not in school together, she was a year younger than I, but met through our fathers, who worked together. Most weekends we would go over to each other´s place, mostly I to hers (where there were no younger siblings disturbing us in our so much more grown-up play 😉 ), and some of those playdates were the most adventurous I ever had; she was the opposite of me, always in motion, always coming up with crazy ideas, some of which got us into serious trouble.

IMGP8935-Her family moved away, and I went to visit at least once, but when our family moved also, we lost touch. When I looked at one of the photos – it is my sister´s christening and she is standing with our family group being photographed, holding my hand, or maybe I am holding hers – I notice that we look a bit like twins, both middle/dark blonde, both in white coats and pretty shoes (I remember thinkning she was always so much prettier than I, but also always a bit dishevelled – a natural expression of her bouncy character). I can hardly make out her face, in the photos or in my memory.

I have never been tempted to seek her out; perhaps it isn´t even possible to find her. One of the things that has kept me from registering on Facebook is that when my siblings did so, all kinds of old aquaintances from the past seemed to pop up, and it is not something I want happening to me. The past is the past; some relationships run their course, and one must move on. I like the idea that one can re-invent oneself and be free of people who know what one is “really like”; I think it promotes growth and creativity. I don´t want the world to be like a small village or town, I want it to be large and strange, for me and others to get lost in!

I almost wrote “I wonder what happened to her”, but you know, that would be insincere. I never wondered, and I doubt she ever wondered about me. She was, however, hugely influential on some of my most important childhood years. Without her, I certainly would have had much less scars on my knees! 😀


Springtime – finally!

Spring is in the air and I am collecting signs:

The gravel used to counteract the slippery winter roads is being sweeped up and one can feel the asphalt under one´s sneakers again.
The student´s choral society is singing downtown, reminding us that Walpurgis Night is only a week away.
The ice is breaking up on the lakes, bays, and rivers. The migrating birds are coming back; the chaffinches are serenading from the birches!

No flowers yet though, that I have seen.


Lost in Space

IMGP8211When I was little, it was my dream to become an astronomer and work at NASA. Or be a veterinary. Then I woke up to the realities of maths (so boring!) and physics (so hard!) and the sight of blood (which until fairly recently in life made my head spin and my tummy all queasy).

I realize now I should have gone for optical engineering and spent my life taking photographs like these.